The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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