We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
