wanna go halves on a baby?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
