Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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