his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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