I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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