i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize