Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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