I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
