Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
