dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
