I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
