He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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