Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
