I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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