Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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