mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.