FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
