Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
should my penis look like a turkey
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
