He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
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I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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