Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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