I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
