i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
