I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
