i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
