she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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