'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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