do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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