Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
