I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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