We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
