Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
