Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
