Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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