By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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