Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Alive.
So much puke
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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