As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
