i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
