it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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