Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
