hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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