And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
