I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize