So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she told me i tasted like america
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
