I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
