Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
