Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
