I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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