Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
