i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
