My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
