dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As shirtless as possible
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
