that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
