a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
