you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
