I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
