Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
