Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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