I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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