I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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