I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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