The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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